ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º º º ÛÛÛ º º Û ÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ º º Û ÛÛ Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û º º Û Û ÛÛÛÛÛÛ Û Û Û Û ÛÛÛÛÛÛ THE DRUID º º Û ÛÛ Û ÛÛ Û Û Û Û Û º º ÛÛÛÛÛÛ Û ÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ Û º º º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ (have computer make trumpety sounds and all that stuff) DROOP THE DRUID'S (BRAND NEW) GUIDE TO DRUIFDY COMPUTERS (In 9 Easy Lessons) Copyright 1994 Cainteanna na Luise This stuff can be copied if you give Droop credit! This stuff can be copied if you give Droop credit! This stuff can be copied if you give Droop credit! (that's said three times so it's true) ------------------------------------------------ Opening note [flashing lights x3]: it is important, some people think, to point out that I-myself do not use computers. Trees, rocks, herbs, animals, weather, all that stuff I am x3 wonderful with! But machines and I do not agree (your life - sirens x3 - is in DANGER if you are sitting in a automobile and I am behind the wheel, even if it is out of gas and up on blocks with the wheels off). I have other people operate complicated machines for me (I learnt this trick from Se n's cat. You stand next to the frig - well, I-myself CAN operate a frig, you just open the door and grab, but this is how the cat showed me - and you try to look as cute and needing-rescue as possible. If this doesn't work, you scream very loud). However, I don't see why this should stop me from brilliantly expose-saying on computers just like i do on everything else.) Droop the Druid's Guide to Computers p.2 So, anyway: CIMPUTERS AND DRUIDS !!! Rule One: You need something called high-Asky because this is how you ask for the little marks above the vowels and if you don't have these the words will shape-shift when you don't want them to (one word in Irish shape-shifts from "ember" to "rotten"!). It is very very very important that a druid try his best to control all his shape-shifts! You also might want something called codpage 850 so you can put marks on capitol vowels but this is not a druidy number so you can just decapitate all the vowels instead. Rule Two: Get all my stuff of your local BBS. Summoning spells don't usually work very well (SEE! It's the machine's fault, not mine!), so you will need to downlode them. You just figure out how to do that yourself, I can't tell you everything. Rule Three: If you custom-design the colours, use LOTS if blue. Blue is the druidy colour of protection, although this may only work when the machine is on because I'm not sure where the blue goes when you turn it off. Rule Four: If you have something called a directory you should have at least three files in it. Nothing is REAL unless it has three parts. Rule Five: Use Irish. Replace all the messy-does with Irish, like "ceal" for "del" and "cabhair" for "help". Besides being druidy, this is very useful because then nobody will be able to operate your computer unless they know Irish (although the reverse does not work....) Rule Six: Keep hazelnuts (at least 3) ontop of the computer or at least next to it (inside if there is room). I should not have to explain this to anyone who has ready my other stuff, but for the sorry sake of the just-stumbled-ins: druids ALWAYS (x3) carry hazelnuts and keep them close to hand. Forget your password, forget your excess code, forget your F- (does that stand for "-ucking"? I asked Se n and he just laughed)-keys, but NEVER NEVER NEVER forget your hazelnuts! Droop the Druid's Guide to Computers p.3 (of course, 3!) Rule Seven: Downlode all my stuff a second time. (Non-rule no number): This is tricky. Rowan wood really best only keeps away nasty MAGIC. It doesn't work against getting a cold or sinus trouble or that sort of stuff. Even rowan has its limitations (although I am NOT going to say that three times!), so it may not keep away computer viruses if they're anything like the other kind. So you don't have to stick rowan wood inside the computer if you don't want to (or if there isn't enough room). BUT DON'T FORGET (x3) THE HAZELNUTS!!! Rule Eight: If you use i-cans and rodents, be sure (x3) that all the little pictures are asymmetrical (all true druidy art is). This also goes for all the grafixes you do on the computer. Rule Nine: Downlode all my stuff a(n absolutely needed x3) third time. If you want to be really super-druidy, get three computers and downlode it all three times on each - nine is also a very very very druidy number. PS: you don't need a computer to be a druid. You can get someone else to do stuff for you like I do (although if he's going to be working on your stuff on his computer, stick three hazelnuts inside the thing when he isn't looking). ************************************************